Nice Shorts

When I'm behind in the laundry, and I get to the bottom of the barrel in cycling shorts, there's not any good choices.  I've got a couple pairs of old leather chamois shorts, and a pair of XL Pearl Izumi bib shorts.  These bib shorts are actually quite nice; the problem lies in the fit.

You see, I am a little taller than average.  Bib shorts are kind of like shorts and suspenders, all rolled into one.  You may be able to imagine what happens when the top part is not long enough (think wedgy), so I went to a bigger size than normal.  That's fine,  but they're overly loose in the butt.

I didn't really think much of it until last year, when I rode them to a race at PIR.  As I was riding around doing some warm-up laps, a certain woman from a certain team which seems to be affiliated with a certain university located in SW Portland rode by and fired off a little remark that has stayed with me to this day:

Nice shorts

When I realized what she was talking about, it hurt.  I've been a roadie for a long time, and this is something I've never considered.  Now, I'm paranoid about loose bike shorts.  If I'm not sure, I actually feel around back there to confirm.  It's the opposite of the proverbial woman asking if her pants make her butt look too big. 

But friends, do you know what's worse than baggy butt shorts?  I do believe that would be shorts with a little hole in the seam, right smack dab in the middle of the butt-crack.   You know what I'm talking about, and maybe it's making you throw up a little in your mouth.  If you have any shorts with a hole in this magical spot, especially if you are a hairy male, please, I beg of you, do one of the following:

• Make them "alone time only" or "base layer" shorts. 
• Patch them up
• Sew them up
• Burn them

Thanks for reading.